What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he fucked my hip out of place.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
