found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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