I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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