Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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