If i come over, it means nothing
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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