yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
