My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
