maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
