you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
