don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
