What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
