this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
