Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
