Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
