Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
