I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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