My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
