that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
