i just had sex bonerless
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
