at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
