I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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