just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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