Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
