i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
