HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
