Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
