Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
