the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
