So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
