You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
