I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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