3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
