So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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