I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
