He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
