You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
