I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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