The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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