There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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