So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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