Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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