i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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