I hate your face
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
