the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
