Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
