She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
