So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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