My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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