You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
