I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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