I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
