she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
