you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
