Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
